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Rascal gets banished

Ian Rastall is neither a carver nor a dealer. He's not wealthy enough to be a big collector either, as he sometimes points out. Despite this, Ian is known to a great many people in the pipe community - being the webmaster (really, the publisher and editor) of aspipes.org, the hypertext home of the Internet news group ASP. Modestly, he usually refers to himself as the group's 'web monkey'.

Ian's dedication to this task has won him many friends and admirers - as has his passion for moderation when debates get a little heated on ASP. But in the Pfeifenbox version of Desert Island Discs, moderate opinions will get him nowhere at all. The Judge Jeffries of nicotine phobia just rounds 'em up willy-nilly.

An anti-smoking government is banishing you to a desert island for your incorrigible baccy habit. You are allowed to take one pipe with you. It can be any piece in the world. Which would you choose?

IR: Well, it would have to be a gourd calabash, as you can smoke those all day. It would have to be the one I already own, which has a busted bowl at the moment, so this particular government would have to send it to get refitted first. Of course, I don't like hot weather, so I'd probably just quit smoking.

You are, of course, also granted an unlimited supply of a single blend. Which would it be?

IR: I only smoke Haddo's. I once got my hands on a pre-release sample of Stratford, and never smoked it. Just never got around to it. Haven't smoked the BPTT samples either. An unlimited supply, though, wouldn't be too good on a desert island, as tobacco needs to cellar in a cool place.

Arriving on the island, you realise the full depth of the authorities' sadism. They've given you the pipe you wanted, but the baccy they have supplied is the one blend with the potential to make you quit smoking immediately. Which is it?

IR: The only two tobaccos I've smoked which were truly vile were Captain Black White and C&D Canal Boat. The latter I refer to as "Charnal Boat". I should probably find someone on this island, though, who likes one of those two, who might be willing to trade (perhaps for Erinmore, which should be plentiful there). After all, there are only so many desert islands, and there are a lot of pipe smokers.

(February 18, 2004)

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